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by Judith Cassis
Working from home is a gift to the family, but is not without its challenges. This is one I
remember best.
Psychology buffs may recall Ivan Pavlov’s theory of classical conditioning, where
dogs were trained to salivate in response to the pairing of meat with the ringing of
a bell. After several pairings, the bell, which had been a neutral stimulus, became a
conditioned stimulus causing the dogs to salivate when they heard it, even when there
was no meat present. Complicated?
Not when you think about what happens every time the phone rings. Your previously
busy youngster is drawn to you like a magnet. One who was reading quietly in the
corner is now draped from your waist with alligator tears running down his face, or the
kids argue – and it just so happens that client you’ve been waiting for is on the phone.
Sound familiar? This was a regular occurrence in my house.
My solution: I rarely gave my kids cookies, saving them for when I was on the phone
and needed them to be quiet. Consequently, every time the phone rang, they cried,
yelled or whatever, making it necessary for me to hand them cookies. I never figured it
out; not until years later. I had turned them into little Pavlov’s kids:
Phone Rings —– Child Cries —– Mama Grabs Cookies. Classical conditioning at its
finest.
Judith Cassis,C.Ht. is a Personal Development Consultant with 26 years experience. Known as “The Bounce-Back Coach”, she works with people who are “bouncing back” from failure, loss or tragedy. Judith is co-owner of a small newspaper,Tidbits of Santa Clarita Valley, www.tidbitsscv.com a family business she and her husband, Lee Cadena run with their sons. Through a monthly teleseries, Mama Come Home, Judith supports mothers in staying home or returning home to raise their children.
Face it, you are not the person that you used to be.
Ever since you became a parent, you have a hard time recognizing yourself. Perhaps there is a bit of sadness because you’ve lost your own childishness, but there is no denying that you’ve developed a maturity that has absorbed itself into every fiber of your being.
You’d been in love before, but when you children came along, this love encompassed you in a way that you never could have predicted. This metamorphosis might have even been painful for you, but only because the intensity of this love was so vast and unanticipated, perhaps even astonishing.
Becoming a parent has driven you in ways you never thought possible. Parenthood has made you more devoted, more committed and more determined to succeed in providing for your family.
For some of you going back to work was never an option. For others, working for someone else to get that steady paycheck seemed like the only option. It doesn’t matter what kind of parent you became.
We understand your devotion to your children and the intense fervor you feel to provide for them.
Our Milk Money is an Organization that was built for parents like you.
But we are much more than just another business directory. We are an organization that provides a support network for parents who have chosen to stay home with their children, and we do what we can to encourage each of our members to make their purchases from each other- keep the money we are already spending “in house” because it’s more valuable to families than it is to large corporations.
We believe that we have a chance to make a difference, but we must all work together.
Our concept will succeed if everyone does their part. No other group has taken on a task so great, and the reason WE WILL SUCCEED is because we all have one thing in common: Our devotion to our children. We must not fail them.
You don’t have to be a member, or even a parent to participate in this concept. If there are children in your life and you want to make a difference, we welcome you to take part in Our Milk Money. Link your site to us.
We are not just another business trying to move up the ranks. We are an organization dedicated to parents who need support their children. If we all commit to this concept, we all have a better chance of rising up TOGETHER.
Imagine the possibilities.
We’ve started a campaign that will educate consumers on the value of purchasing from a mom or a dad. We believe that in time we will have created a mini-economy, and a better means of survival- especially during this recession where every dollar counts. We want parents to feel that they can make their own choices in how to raise their children, provide for them, and how much time they spend with them. Not be a slave to a job that promises a paycheck, or a boss that represents keeping that job.
Join the Our Milk Money Organization, and you will know immediately that you are contributing to a good cause, because it’s your own.
I am back from my wonderful, much needed family vacation!! It’s been years since we did something like this.
I started organizing and packing up the family at least 4 weeks before our excursion to the other side of the country, the entire time wondering if the trek with 2 young and energetic boys, the rising level of our expenses and my loss in sanity would be worth sitting on a beach for a week.
It was.
It was, it was, it was.
I am eternally grateful for all the relatives who were drooling to spend time with my children- and did, leaving me with REAL legitimate relaxation…not the kind that is interrupted every 5 minutes with a child’s need for attention. I took complete advantage.
Some listen to music while on the sandy beach, others like to read. I choose to sand sculpt.
To me, there is nothing like sitting in the silk soft sand for hours and hours, getting filthy dirty the way I used to when I was a child, letting my mind wander freely and creating something from my deepest imagination. Sand sculpting is cathartic, therapeutic and cleansing. My only stress was wondering when the tide might come to wash it all away, and even that became less of a stress after a few days, and more of a way for me to feel part of the universe.
It was a terrific lesson of the natural process of all the we are and all that we are a part of. The tide, although different each and every day is something we can come to count on, toying with us, supporting us, watching what we build for hours before it slowly comes in little by little to wear our creations down…eventually until there isn’t even a sign of our work.
Yet, we don’t cry over it- we build a new creation the next day. I am glad to be back, and especially grateful that I was able to take with me a new sense of purpose and bliss. My sandcastles may be gone forever, but the construction of my spirit has given me a strong foundation for living a long and happy life.
Art is good for the soul.
It doesn’t matter how many times we are warned. We don’t get it until we are actually experiencing it. And maybe that is the point after all. Maybe we were meant to experience our own journeys. Why allow others to warn us when life is supposed to be lived by each of us, personally?
I think about this often when I am going through the trials and tribulations of… well just about every aspect of my life. 4 1/2 years ago I was not yet a mother, or a business owner…and when I look back at that time- it almost makes me laugh at how “empty” my life was. I was a baby myself.
I never thought motherhood would be like THIS. I never thought I could become selfless, where it would actually be difficult to do things for myself without putting my children first. I never thought I would forget to eat. I never would have trusted myself as a business owner. I never would have had the gumption to “prepare for attack” to a complete stranger who had insulted my son- like a lioness ready to pounce. I never thought I’d be utterly insulted that my child wasn’t chosen to be a Jedi at the Disney Star Wars Training Camp. Couldn’t they see that he was clearly the most adorable kid in the group?
I never thought I would forget what it feels like to be bored, and actually long for it on some days. I never thought I would feel this kind of love for a child- when honestly other people’s kids never did it for me. I never thought I’d be okay with sacrificing so much of our lifestyle- just so I could afford to stay home every day. I never thought I’d yearn for adult interaction this much- and then when I finally have a night out without the kids, I never thought I’d miss them as much as I did. I never thought I could love a second child as much as the first, and was surprised to learn that it made me love them BOTH even more.
I never knew my kids were going to turn out so terrific, so beautiful and smart and talented, and hilarious. I never knew I’d be so happy with 2 boys, and be okay with not having a darling little girl to dress up with little dresses and bows. I never thought I’d be able to work this hard for no pay.
I guess I am glad I didn’t listen to the warnings. It’s so much better experiencing it all for myself.
Stripper poles should not be a part of a home. If you own one and I’ve offended you I apologize (sorry mom), but I personally can’t imagine explaining it to my daughters. This new exercise fad serves as a reminder of all the stuff I’ve pushed aside as a responsible parent.
If I didn’t have kids I’d listen to more obscene radio morning show DJ’s with names like Crap Boy & Charlie (oh Crap Boy, you’re so funny and relatable). I’d pee with the door open. I could once again pick my nose anywhere in the house without a little voice nagging, “Put it in a Kleenex dad!” My computer’s music library wouldn’t have all the bad-titled songs “X’ed” out. And I would have a stripper pole. Twelve of them. Less for exercise and more for structural integrity… but yeah.
Come to think of it I’ve been style-shedding for quite some time. Getting married was the first blow. Suddenly my framed Aerosmith poster wasn’t good enough for the living room. Or the basement. Or the frame itself (Dear S. Tyler: I’m sorry*). Gone were the shot glasses above the TV. Everything I gave up was replaced in equal proportion by either a candle or another pillow.
*In a wildly unrelated side story that just crossed my mind: When I was 22 I loved Aerosmith. Borderline unhealthy admiration. Anyway, I was at a dance club trying my damndest to talk to/dance with/touch the shoulder of any girl who’d allow it. One took an interest and danced several songs with me until the DJ played a Run DMC Walk This Way remix. She yelled, “That’s awesome, I love Aerosmith.” My heart leapt. I reached into my wallet and pulled out a plastic embossed card with the wings logo on it and yelled back, “Me too, I’m in the fan club!” The remainder of the night I danced alone.
The change keeps coming in waves. My shower used to simply house soap, shampoo and a razor. Those items all multiplied and had smelly little babies that exfoliate, scrub, and silken. My shower has evolved into its current form… an explosion of rubber ducks, foam alphabet letters and Nick Jr. paraphernalia.
Everywhere I look I see things I’ve either given up or altered for the sake of my wife and kids. Why do we do it… as men, that is? Why we change for our spouses is easy – sex. A high percentage of living room Aerosmith posters directly correlate to a low percentage of boobies.
But why change for our children? They don’t care how badly we decorate. They don’t see the radio morning shows’ raunchy content as negative. They just soak it all up and shape their lives around it. Therein lays the answer.
We dads modify our behavior in hope of being better men, thus creating a better environment for our kids to be shaped. We give up or suppress the ugly in order to grow more beauty. Sure, some of the vices we enjoy as adults are fun and tough to give up, but one look at those innocent, inquisitive eyes and you’d sacrifice anything for them.
I’m a little winded by all this sappiness. I could stand to exercise. You got a pole at your place I can use? I’ll bring my own Aerosmith mix tape.
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
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