daddysden, Family, Uncategorized
During the course of this blog I’ve established I’m a stay-at-home parent. Although at-home parenting isn’t a new concept it is difficult for some people to imagine a man doing. I’m not complaining – I have a hard time erasing the conventional from my own brain (Johnny Carson is on at bed time, right?).
While trying to come up with a topic for this blog it hit me… I’m not that different. At all. From a woman, that is.
People want to get my perspective on being an at-home dad. They genuinely want to believe I make blow torch grilled cheese and mop the floor with my daughter’s pj’s while she’s inside.
The reality is far from glamorous. I, like any stay-at-home parent, wake blearily to a schedule full of diapers, cooking, cleaning, planning, playing, instructing, yelling (from me) and crying (me again). I don’t see how it’d be possible for someone to do it any differently. Who would have time to build an erector set sweeping machine when boogers are stuck in their kids’ hair (and the dog’s, although I don’t know how exactly). It takes every second of the day to accomplish stuff… in a standard, non-sensational way.
What I’m saying is that when asked for my perspective I can’t imagine it being too far off from what my female colleagues would say. If there are things to cook… I cook. Things to clean… I clean. I can say I’m rather quirky, so I do put a little flavor on my day to make it interesting. Next time you have your children for the day try communicating mostly with movie quotes. Here are a few to get you started:
Forrest Gump “Lieutenant Dan. Ice cream!” Used when giving child ice cream. Or asparagus – it just sounds better to call it ice cream. Kids love being fooled like that.
Taxi Driver “You talkin’ to me?” Use this phrase when child demands something of you without saying please. Or just recite random lines from “Taxi Driver” to telemarketers. It does wonders for your morale.
Fight Club Tyler Durden: “Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?” There is no need to quote this other than to watch your two-year-old’s face try to figure out what the hell you just said.
Pulp Fiction Marsellus: “In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.”
Butch: “In the fifth, my ass goes down.” When appropriately modified to reflect time, this quote can work wonders for naps.
But I digress. Hey look, a job’s a job and you do what ya gotta do to make it all come together, whether male or female. Unfortunately, the only alluring side to what I do comes from my quirkiness, not my manliness.
Now it’s time to welcome my wife home from work with another movie quote I’m sure she’ll love. “Frankly my dear…”
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
Resource Articles, Uncategorized
These are the songs that make me want to get up and get going!! Never underestimate the power that music can have on your soul. Your kids will love these songs, too. They will see their mommy happy and enjoying her day. If you have young children, take advantage of this age! There will come a time when dancing around might make your kids gag. But if they are not yet tweens, they’ll want to dance and sing right a long with you. Feel free to leave a comment with your favorite tunes. I’d love to know what you think I missed!
Freedom -George Michael
Free – Phish
You Don’t Know Me – Ben Folds
Landed – Ben Folds
Off the Wall – Michael Jackson
King of Spain – Moxy Fruvous
“Superstar” Andrew Llyod Webber sound track for “Jesus Christ, Superstar”
Phantom Limb – The Shins
No Rain- Blind Melon
Let Go- Frou Frou
Jive Talking – Bee Gees
I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas
Southern Cross – Crosby Stills and Nash
So Much to Say – Dave Mathews
Shiny Happy People – R.E.M.
America – Simon and Garfunkle
I Get Around – Beach Boys
All you Want – Dido
Someone Saved my Life Tonight – Elton John
Pleasant Valley Sunday – The Monkees
The Love You Save – Michael Jackson
In Your Eyes – Peter Gabriel
Fall Down – Toad the Wet Sprocket
L-O-V-E – Nat Cole
I Don’t Want to Know – Fleetwood Mac
In My Life- The Beatles
Falling Slowly – From the film “Once”
Let’s Go Crazy – Prince and the Revolution
Abba – Angel Eyes
Mr. Jones – Counting Crows
I’d Like That – XTC
Aquarious – “Hair” Soundtrack
Ally Loprete is a stay-at-home mother of 2 boys, a former television, theatre and film actress, singer, performer, storyteller, and teacher. An advocate of parents, Ally founded OurMilkMoney.com, an online business directory of self-employed parents and an organization dedicated to helping parents find financial opportunities and support. She is also the host of This Little Parent Stayed Home weekly radio show available on Toginet.com, and the playwright & performer for her one-woman show about the journey of dealing with unexpected drama in life, Chasing Ally.
Family, Uncategorized
If you are a work-at-home mom like me, then your days are jam packed with a full itinerary, and you have to schedule time to pee. Each day is an exercise in extreme flexibility and if you get anything done as expected it is counted as bonus.
As immersed as I am, I know that this very well may be the most exciting time of my life, and I don’t want to miss it. I’ve made it a point to schedule in little bits of time for myself that are JUST MINE. It’s important that we take time to enjoy it all, even in the midst of carpooling with blue tooth conference calls, blogging during nap-time and podcasting while folding laundry. It’s not easy- but it is crucial. To keep a healthy pace and stay in tip-top shape, we must keep organized and commit to giving ourselves “happy time”.
With an overcrowded schedule, you may need to multi-task your happy time just like everything else. Here is a quick list of ways to incorporate some rose smelling among your daily chores:
- Make a schedule. As organized as I try to be, I never feel organized enough. I can’t believe there is one mom in the world who feels her life is completely put in order every day, and if there is, I’d like to meet her and tell her I am sure that she is lying. However, you must never underestimate the power of making lists. If you can find 5 minutes at the beginning of each day, jot down the things you hope to accomplish, and make sure you add some time for yourself to decompress. I have found that just making the list is a moment that I can claim as mine. It helps me to feel more in control of my day and ready to take on whatever disasters may be awaiting my arrival. Plus, is there anything more satisfying than being able to cross off a completed task?
- Listen to Music. I recently made a CD called “Hey, I LOVE this song”. Which is a compilation of songs exactly like the title of the CD. These are songs that when are heard, I usually gasp and say, “Oh my god I love this one…” You know what I am talking about. It probably wouldn’t take you long to create your own list given 20 minutes. I play these songs at the gym, when I doing house chores, and in the car. My kids have learned to love these songs as well because when these special songs fill the air, they see their mommy at her happiest. Never feel too silly to dance with your kids or shake some booty while stirring the vegis. Happy music = a happy house. (for a list of my personal “LOVE this song” or “guilty pleasure” songs, visit here– and I make no apologies).
- Get some exercise. Believe me, I know that finding time to work out is as difficult as finding time to sleep on most weeks. In fact, when I was working in the corporate world, finding time to work out was literally impossible. I don’t mind saying I took real offense at people who said I needed to make it a priority- especially because I barely had time to eat, sleep, or spend time with my new baby boy. But if you are a stay-at-home parent, you have more control of your schedule than ever before- as packed as it may be. In the corporate world, I was PAID to sit on my tush all day- not exercise. But now that I am my own boss, I have realized that the gym is a wonderful place to get some “me time,” not to mention a long shower…and nothing beats the productivity that comes from that time. I get my best ideas on the treadmill!
- Laugh. Laugh with your kids, laugh with your spouse, laugh with other grownups you see at the grocery store, at your kids school and sports practices, and laugh with yourself. Life is full of hilarity, and if you are not laughing on a daily basis, it means you are moving too fast to notice it. Your kids will never be this age again. Instead of being one of those parents who are constantly murmuring, “I hate this age, I wish they’d grow out of this annoying phase soon, “ be the parent that relishes each moment, makes mistakes and cracks themselves up. You’ll be surprised at how much your kids will admire you and grow to be adults that are celebrating their lives at the envy of others.
- Create a grateful list. This always, always, always improves my spirits 200%. I highly recommend that you do this at least once a month. The list should be of things that you know you are privileged to have in your life. It may start out with obvious entries such as, “I am grateful that I have a roof over my head. I am grateful for the food in my fridge.” but eventually you’ll feel more genuine about your gratitude. You should make certain to also include things that you WANT to be grateful for as if they are already in place. “I am grateful that my 4 year old is well behaved and doesn’t pick on his younger brother. I am grateful that the baby is finally sleeping through the night.” Don’t underestimate the power of wishful thinking. It’s funny, this is the one task that people seems to balk at when I make the suggestion, but once they do it, they are always amazed at how worth their time it was.
Ally Loprete is a stay-at-home mother of 2 boys, a former television, theatre and film actress, singer, performer, storyteller, and teacher. An advocate of parents, Ally founded OurMilkMoney.com, an online business directory of self-employed parents and an organization dedicated to helping parents find financial opportunities and support. She is also the host of This Little Parent Stayed Home weekly radio show available on Toginet.com, and the playwright & performer for her one-woman show about the journey of dealing with unexpected drama in life, Chasing Ally.
Family, Uncategorized
Written by Ally Loprete
Drama has been with me for so long, I don’t even remember where we first met. I think it was sometime during elementary school because by the time I was in junior high, it was sitting next to me in every class, eating lunch with me, and keeping me company while I walked home from school each day.
It started out shyly stalking me. It followed me wherever I went and hid behind bushes and buildings so that I wouldn’t see it. But I always knew it was there. At first, Drama was just sort of annoying to me, and then its presence began to torment me to the point where I’d try to avoid it at all costs, outsmart it, or hide from it by getting lost in a crowd of people and disguising myself as no one special… but Drama always found me. I tried to reason with Drama, asking it to leave me alone, locking it out my bedroom, and refusing to feed it or nurture it. I had hoped that it would just give up and find someone else to pursue, but nothing worked. Like a lost puppy, it had found its home with me, stayed loyal to me and waited outside all night in the cold for me, happily wagging its tail the moment it saw me. It would continue to tag along side me, each and every day. Some days Drama was more present than others, but it never left my side.
Drama came with me to high school, stayed all 4 years, and then followed me out of state to college. It lived with me and all of my college roommates, in the dorm, the sorority house and even in my first apartment. It stood next to me at graduation, was there when I took my first job, my second job, and pretty much every job after that. Eventually I just began taking Drama with me to job interviews so that potential employers wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Drama would be following me to work each day. Some employers graciously accepted it, and others did not.
Often when I went out with friends, Drama would be there. It accompanied me on blind dates, to parties, or even just out to the movies by myself. Drama has lived with me at every apartment, condo or house that I’ve had. It’s made its way into every group I’ve gotten involved with, and every friendship or romantic relationship that has come into my life. Drama was there when I first met my husband, on the day that he proposed and it even made several appearances on our wedding day. Drama has been living with my husband and I ever since.
It’s with us on weekdays and weekends, it joins us on all of our family vacations, holidays, and special events. We brought it with us when we purchased our first house, when we bought new cars, and whenever we have changed jobs or careers. Drama was with us when my husband and I decided to start a family. It stayed by my bedside throughout both of my pregnancies and was there at the hospital the day both my children were born.
Drama has become such a part of our lives, that if it ever left us, we’d feel that there is something missing. Some people seem put off by the fact that Drama comes with us wherever we go, acting almost as if they are allergic to it, afraid to go near it, or even hoping that if they ignore it won’t exist. Others have been very accepting of it, and have come to understand that it is part of who we are. We have embraced Drama as a member of the family, and honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s taken some time, but we’ve learned to be grateful to Drama for being present in our lives. It’s because of Drama that we’ve become the well-rounded, seasoned and experienced people that we are today. Drama has taught us love and acceptance, how to lower our expectations, strive for growth, take risks and have a sense of humor about ourselves. It has shown us the difference between good friends and GREAT friends, brought us together with those we love during times of anger and sadness, war and disease, and other life tragedies. It has shown us that we are resilient, even during our most vulnerable times. It has introduced us to new people and situations, and taken us on journeys, both thrilling and exciting, that we never expected to go on. Drama has given us incredible material for our acting careers, our one-person shows, our books and our blogs. It has inspired us to create, invent, take risks, start new business ventures, and connect with others who also have Drama, similar to ours, in their lives.
We love to tell stories about Drama and do so over and over again at family reunions, and Thanksgiving Dinners. We will continue to pass the stories down to our children through the generations. Drama has brought laugher into our lives, as well as tears.
It’s because of Drama that we are who we are, where we are, how we’ve come to choose so many of the paths we’ve taken in our lives, and even how we’ve learned to survive. Drama has been documented in our history books, our newspapers and magazines. It is in our favorite TV shows and movies, the books we read, and even the commercials we watch.
Drama is everywhere we are, and once we embrace it, we are able to realize how it has nurtured us, emerged us into new opportunities and possibilities, teaching us how to make lemonade out of lemons.
We love Drama, and we are not ashamed to admit it, as others may be.
I have grown to feel sad for the people who don’t have at least a little Drama in their lives, and wonder how boring and empty their lives must be. Although, Drama has been known to follow others from time to time…even those that deny they know anything about it, lurking in the shadows and showing up when they least expect it. I know how Drama must frighten them, but I also know that they have nothing to be afraid of.
But it’s the people that have welcomed Drama into their lives that seem the healthiest, the least threatened and the most blissful. Drama is a gift.
Uncategorized
Written by Ally Loprete
Working at home: it seemed like such a good idea at the time. You believed that it would give you more time with your children, the freedom to work in your pajamas, a limitless income possibility, and the ability to create your own schedule, own rules, own pace. For many, this is a dream that turns into reality.
It is said that once you work for yourself, you will never be able to go back to working for someone else. For many, working at home is freedom, but still for some, it is easy to let the work consume you every moment you are awake, and probably while you sleep as well.
It is important to remember that you are still in control, and that you need to enjoy all of the perks that come with being self-employed, as long as you remember to grant yourself those perks, just as you promised yourself you would when you “accepted the job” to work for you. If you are not given the perks that were originially promised, it’s only natural that you will lackluster your productivity, and eventually grow weary and lose inspiration.
Here are some tips to help you increase your work-at-home productivity:
1. Create atypical work hours. As parents who are self-employed, we have 2 jobs, and getting up from the computer to pour your 2 year old more milk will always be more important than responding to an email, or posting a blog. You may have grown more patient as a parent, but interruptions like these can be daunting. Save your most crucial, concentrated work for the evening when your spouse is home from work, and has agreed to let you lock yourself into a quiet room without interruptions. For me, this time is from 7:30pm-10pm during the week. You’d be surprised how much you can get done in 2 ½ hours.
2. Create an end time to each day, and “clock out.” It may be difficult to cease working when the house is exceptionally quiet for once, and you are finally feeling productive, but don’t get lost in the moment. Find a good stopping point, pat yourself on the back for a job well done and step away from the computer. My clock out time is 10:00pm
3. Schedule in some rest and relaxation time each night before going to sleep. For me, I give myself an hour to do anything I want, but work. You may choose to watch TV, read a book, or do a crossword puzzle.
4. Invest in some kind of technology. Depending on the way you look at it, this could be the greatest thing toward making you more productive, or it could cause you to become confused between work time and family time. It may be an iphone, blackberry or another PDA, but in a world where productive mothers love to multi-task, the technology that has presented itself in the last decade has made it possible for us to do it all- within reason. If your iphone allows you to quickly answer an email while attending your son’s little league game, it’s worth it. But if it keeps you out of the moment and you’ve missed your son hitting the ball on more than one occasion, it’s time to go back to the drawing board, create a more productive schedule, and turn off the PDA during family time.
5. Trade your services. I don’t mean your business services. Create a co-op babysitting group with another parent. Self-employed parents are no longer a rarity, and chances are there are atleast 4 or 5 on your street who would be willing to watch your kid for a few hours one day in exchange for you watching theirs.
Uncategorized
Don’t Worry, Anyone Can Do This!
By Ally Loprete
When I think back to before I came home to work and take care of my new son, I remember how “stuck” I felt. I envied other women and men who had their own businesses and I believed that the only reason that I didn’t was have one was because I lacked the motivation.
No, actually that wasn’t the only reason. Now that I think about it, I had a whole list of why I couldn’t be my own boss: I didn’t think I could hold myself accountable if I didn’t have a boss, I was sure I’d never get out of my pajamas during the day, I was afraid I might blow off all the work I was supposed to do and I’d eventually run my business into the ground, this little business of mine would end up being a hobby of some sort ike a never ending project of scrapbooking, I didn’t know what the start-up costs were, I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have a unique idea or a business plan, I was sure that I lacked whatever skills I needed, I was certainly not organized, I didn’t know the first thing about becoming a business owner, or about financing, taxes, or even the slightest notion what I could actually DO. I’d also had way too many jobs (more than I care to share, actually) where bosses had convinced me that I was capable of very little. The sad thing is that I really believed them.
Now that I am self-employed, I look back and laugh at how absurd I was thinking that I couldn’t pull this off, and I wonder what took me so long to get here. I know that it was the fear of the unknown, but had I really grasped what it would be like to work for myself, I would have started 10 years earlier, and spared myself all of those confidence crashes, not to mention the most difficult year of my life while my infant son was in daycare.
The really crazy part is that I know how many others still feel stuck the way that I did, and are probably surfing all over the internet right now for the answer. I have no problem admitting that 90 percent of my corporate salary was spent surfing the internet for a way out.
I am not trying to suck you in to a multi-level marketing scheme, I do not have a fool proof business to sell you, and I certainly don’t have all the answers. You can do it, because anyone can.
Believe me when I tell you that although I am passionate about my mission in the business I’ve created, I am by no means a business expert. My college degree was in the performing arts, and there is no way that a year ago I would have believed I was capable of what I am achieving today.
If you have a skill, you can work for yourself. So many people do not realize that they already have what it takes to become self-employed. The simplest question is, what are you doing for someone else that you could be doing for yourself? Without making a single excuse, just answer the question. Make a list of your skills. Then, trust that you will figure out the rest. You’ll find ways to market, to connect with others, to tap into resources that will give you whatever information you are lacking. Trust that you will find the answers and that there will always be someone to help you.
The internet is an amazing thing and has given us unlimited resources as far as information is concerned. Plus, it connects us to just about everyone on the planet, so when you do decide to venture out on your own, you will have help and support. The possibilities are endless. All you have to do is ask. I had no idea a year ago that the internet community existed to support one another the way that it does. I have been blown away by the generosity of those that I’ve met in my first year as an entrepreneur. I am astounded every day at the passion others have to see ME succeed. Why? Because my success means their success. I GET IT NOW.
So the reason I wanted to write this article is because it wasn’t out there when I was looking for it. I wish that ,back when I was feeling stuck, someone had invited me to THIS party, just for a moment. I needed to be taken by the hand and introduced to this encouraging world of self-employed parents. Perhaps I wouldn’t have quite realized the compassion and the support that it contained, even if it was staring me directly in the face, but I do know that it was something even greater than what I was searching for, and others need to know that it exists as well. So if this is you, then welcome to the party. You’ll love it here.
Ally Loprete is the Co-Founder of OurMilkMoney.com, an online directory of self-employed parents across the country. Ally’s focus is to help expose parents working to create a better life for their families and her mission is to educate consumers on the value of purchasing from the small business owner. Ally is passionate about inspiring parents to connect with one another, and will often write about the brilliant ideas that seem to come to her only in the shower or while blowing her hair dry.
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
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