By Chris Loprete

A 1955 edition of Housekeeper’s Monthly released a Good Wife’s Guide. Please look it up and read it. It’s priceless. Here are some examples on how to be a good wife when your husband comes home.

• Prepare yourself. Put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking
• Remember he is the master of the house. Don’t question him
• Try to encourage the children to be quiet
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems
• Listen to him. His topics of conversation are more important than yours
• Try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his real need to be at home and relax
• A good wife always knows her place

And that barely scratches the surface. Now I know what you’re thinking. “Why oh why wasn’t I a husband in the 50’s?” No? Oh. That’s just me then. But even a Neanderthal like me sees how these “rules” simply don’t apply today. First of all, who says the “wife” is the one at home? I know several “House Husbands” and none of them put a ribbon in their hair before their wife comes home from work. They usually wait until the weekend. Also “his real need to be at home and relax” somehow indicates that the stay at home parent has been relaxing all day. A very reliable source has assured me that that is not the case. So with all of this in mind, I have composed a counter guide. I call it:

The Guide to the One Who Works Outside the Home

• Prepare yourself. You may be home from work, but you’re not done working yet
• Master of the House? You haven’t been home for 8 hours with whiny kids while trying to run a home based business. You’re not the master of anything
• Try to encourage the kids to be quiet (okay this is sound advice even in the 50’s. I think we can all agree on that)
• You’ve both got complaints and problems. Vent to each other and don’t play the “My day is tougher than your day” game. You’re both right. And wrong. Either way nobody wins
• Listen to each other. I’m sure you both have good topics of conversation. You may want to include the kids too. Check that. If you’re trying to talk to your spouse, the kids will include themselves…very…very loudly
• You both have a world of strain and pressure and a real need to relax. The sooner you help each other, the sooner you can both do just that
• A good wife does always know her place. So does a good husband. It happens to be the same place. Home. Be a team.

Author: Chris Loprete

Chris began writing his experiences as a new father upon the launch of Our Milk Money, calling his work, appropriately, The Daddys Den. Chris is no stranger to comedy composition. He wrote and performed his one-man show You’re from Philly, Charlie Brown, having successful runs at Circle X Theatre, The Lonny Chapman Repertory Theatre and The Comedy Central Workspace in Hollywood, California as well the Philadelphia Fringe Festival. Chris has performed all over the country in theatrical productions, television and film. He is an alumni of The Circle X Theatre Company and The Groundlings Sunday Company. Currently, he is a senior writer/producer in Entertainment Marketing at ABC Television. Chris lives in Stevenson Ranch, California with his wife Ally and his two beautiful sons, Braden and Henry.