Family, Uncategorized
We were out to dinner so we didn’t get the news at the same time as the rest of the world. It took a phone call from a friend for us to become informed. Suddenly my husband and I were hugging one another happily and cheering.
Our little boys, 5 and 2 came out of their room in their pajamas wanting to know what the jubilation was all about.
Did we just win a million dollars?
Did Daddy’s favorite team win the Superbowl?
Maybe we were going to Disneyland?
It had to be one of those things, or something like it by the way mommy and daddy were whooping it up.
It was none of those things. We’d just heard the news that Osama Bin Laden, the most evil and villainous man of our generation had been brought to death.
DEATH.
It suddenly became apparent that there wasn’t an easy way to explain to innocent children that the death of anyone is a good thing and reason to jump for joy. I began by telling them that a very bad man had been killed, but then found myself frozen at the word “kill”.
The innocent eyes of my 5 year old looked at me as if he didn’t recognize me at all. I worried that he saw me as a fraud, or worse, a killer myself. Was this the same mommy who doesn’t like him playing with guns or violent video games? The same mommy who teaches the value of all living creatures?
I was numbed by my own altercation. I could assure my little boys that there were no monsters hiding in their room, but now I was being forced to tell the truth about the monsters that walked among us, and ones we couldn’t simply “walk away” from when threatened with name calling or even sticks and stones.
It made me question whether any form of celebration was really appropriate when someone’s life has just been taken. Sure, my initial reaction to the news was that of victory. Bin Laden’s death meant that I might begin to feel safer than I’d felt in 10 years, and that my children might also be safer in a post 9/11 world. It meant hundreds of Americans who’d lost their lives on that wretched day could rest in peace. It meant that those who’d lost loved ones might finally begin to have some closure. It meant that our nation’s division might be bridged and maybe we’d all stop pointing fingers and blaming one another for the decade’s setbacks. I hated this man as much as anyone…but I couldn’t dance on his grave, nor did I want my child to think I was anything other than who I’d always been- a person who valued life.
My husband and I had done our very best to teach our sons tolerance of those that are “bad” and those that have not been given the gift of love and acceptance.
We’ve taught our boys to be compassionate about bullies and not provoke them with hatred or rivalry. We taught them how to keep the peace by simply walking away from those who wish to cause pain. How could I justify this hypocrisy when in his point of view, we were reveling in someone else’s demise?
But even worse, how could I even begin to explain why this was a rare exception without introducing him to the horrid and evil acts of this man?
I realized it wasn’t my son who was in need of a lesson. It was me. My 5 year old in this instance was my teacher and he helped me recognize that evil or no evil, the death of any person is not something to celebrate. Loss of life, no matter who’s it is, is precious and sacred. But I also realized that my son deserved more credit than I was giving him. His eyes told me that he wanted to understand, and that he couldn’t be shielded from the pain that lives in this world forever. I could, however, help him to feel safe and loved by me and his father.
After I took my son in my arms he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I feel sad for the bad man. He probably didn’t have a mommy like you to teach him how to be nice to others.”
He probably didn’t.
Family, Uncategorized
Nearly a year ago I made a new years resolution that I would be more conscious of and limit my need to apologize for everything. Along with this new initiative, came a new desire to embrace myself without vindication for the things that make me who I am.
In my tiresome “need to be liked by everyone and not to make waves where there needn’t be any,” I admit I had allowed my Jewish heritage to become somewhat invisible through the years. Being Jewish in the current society had just become more trouble than it was worth. I’d married a Catholic man who had always wanted to support my traditions, but even so, celebrating my culture’s customs had become such a chore amidst a Christian holiday society. Being non-religious, I didn’t really see a need to make it a priority. As far as I was concerned there were more important things to fight for, and quite frankly, I didn’t feel like fighting anyway.
So for a while I took the easy way out, jumping into the celebration of Christmas with both feet, dressing the tree, hanging the stockings and telling stories about Santa and his elves. It was so much easier to celebrate without the fear that I would be targeted. I guess you could say I conformed to fit in.
Through the years, I’d think back to Hanukah, spin a driedle or two in remembrance, but the truth is it felt a bit like I was letting a part of myself die a little. It saddened me, but I wasn’t sure of what I could do about it. The area we live in is sparsely Jewish and what little Jewish circles there were, I didn’t run in.
This year, along with swearing off my addiction to apologize, I realized I no longer wanted to deny my Jewish Heritage. Religious persecution in a less diversified suburb might have led me to choose not to worship at all, but this was no longer about religious beliefs. This was not a choice. The same way a Chinese or Italian person cannot deny their ancestry, I cannot deny mine, nor would I teach my children to deny theirs.
This year, Hanukah came earlier than Christmas, a perfect time to celebrate it without the chaos or the competition of Christmas. By gosh, I was going to take advantage! Hanukah is not yet over and already we have had a wonderful time spinning dreidels, making latkas, hiding presents, and telling the story of the Macabes and the miracle of the burning oil. In honor of my reborn heritage, my husband and I brought our boys to the Skirball Center for the Hanukah celebration this year. It was such a wonderful time for all of us!! Full of laughter and celebration.
It felt like home.
We learned such things such as the correct title for what most of us call a Menorah: The Hannukiah. The most wonderful revelation is how many of my non-Jewish friends and neighbors have taken part in helping me celebrate. They have set aside any preconceived notions and have seemed genuinely interested in learning about my heritage and all of its traditions.
What a glorious time all of us have had!
If only I’d realized earlier the importance of pride, I would not have spent all those years being afraid to be my very self, my only self, and all the things that make me exactly who I am. I didn’t choose to have frizzy kinky hair and freckles, I did not choose to be born in a free country and I did not choose to be Jewish. But I am grateful that each of those choices were made for me.
New Years Eve is still a month away, but I already know that my resolution this year will be to embrace my birthright and honor myself in love and festivity!
Family, Judith Cassis, Member Contributions
If there’s one thing I love it’s a nice, expensive suit. Since presently my budget is targeted for things like trade shows and computer repair, let’s just say I’m a little dated in the fashion department. Okay, a lot dated…
I remember the days when my professional attire vacillated between a bathrobe or sweats and at times a bath towel. Oh yeah, there’s a story here, and I’ll bet when you hear it, more than one work-from-home parent will relate.
From a birds-eye view, the daily shenanigans of a work-from-home household are literally a three ring circus, sans popcorn. We learn to balance responsibilities and juggle chores with one hand, while caring for our children with the other. The day can be flowing along nicely when all of a sudden, the phone rings. Yikes – a client! Quickly, dry your hands, turn off the stereo/TV, close the door (if possible) to the playroom (if you have one), clear your throat, smile and answer the phone. Whew!
I did this for many years –yes, often in my sweats or bathrobe, and none of my clients was ever the wiser. So, what about the towel? You guessed it – fresh out of the shower and the phone rings. No one ever knew.
Judith Cassis,C.Ht. is a Personal Development Consultant with 26 years experience. Known as “The Bounce-Back Coach”, she works with people who are “bouncing back” from failure, loss or tragedy. Judith was the co-owner of a small newspaper, Tidbits of Santa Clarita Valley, www.tidbitsscv.com a family business she and her late husband, Lee Cadena ran with their sons. Through a monthly teleseries, Mama Come Home, Judith supports mothers in staying home or returning home to raise their children.
Family, Member Contributions
I have to say, the marketing team behind the Lowe’s Build and Grow is beyond brilliant.
It’s a marketing concept that is guaranteed to bring people in droves to their stores all over the country at least twice a month. For parents like me who are looking for free and inexpensive activities for my 1 and 4 year old, this is something you can’t beat it.
It’s free free free, did I mention free?
But back to why it’s so brilliant…when you walk into a Lowe’s, whether its for a free event or not, you are most likely going to buy SOMETHING. Lowe’s knows that everyone, including YOU, has probably put off the extra trip out to their store to buy a little spare part to cover the sharp edge of the screw sticking out of the table, or gunk in a tube that will repair that dreaded hole in your drywall, or anything else that doesn’t justify one trip to the store….unless you are already at the store to take your kids to a fun and free event.
Still, its a small price to pay for a few hours of fun and a finished project our little growing builders can feel proud of.
How does it work? Visit www.lowesbuildandgrow.com to get your little builder registered- although if you forget to register, and they aren’t overcrowded, you can do it once you get there. Your little builder will get a starter kit, complete with an adorable builder’s apron, protective goggles and a hammer. In addition, you’ll receive all the materials you need to assist your little builder in building themselves a workable toy.
Together we’ve built tic tac toe game boards, mini baseball stadiums and basketball hoops, robot transforming race cars, and a pocket change bank.
On Sept 25, 10am, Lowes will be celebrating “Safety Saturday”, a nationwide campaign to educate parents and children on the importance of child safety. Every Lowes across the country and Canada will be participating in the event. The build and grow project? A red fire truck complete with a working siren. We had a ball building ours this afternoon- and look, its even safe for a 16 month old!
Family, Member Contributions
I admit that sometimes I am a hypocrite.
Along with that mea culpa is the acknowledgment that I am far from perfect…and while I strive every day to improve myself a little more, perfection is simply not the goal.
Yesterday was a perfect example of my hypocrisy: While writing for my weekly column in Tidbits magazine, I let my frustration get the better of me and yelled at my kids for interrupting me while I was attempting to work.
The ironic hypocrisy is that I was writing a column about how important it is not to attempt to work when you should be parenting, which may very well result in lost concentration, unnecessary yelling, and the resentment of everyone involved.
I was so caught up in my determination to get my task completed that I nearly failed to see the paradox…which borders on amusing.
Perhaps admitting to you now that I am an imperfect mother, full of hypocrisy makes me less of a liar, but the truth is, I am no different than you.
Before you take offense, let me re-phrase. As parents, we do the best we can- and for that we shall be commended. Every day that we are alive is a new opportunity to learn and grow, slip and fall, and get back up again.
I have good days and bad. I am capable of extreme laughter as well as misplaced crankiness. I feel guilt and shame just as often as I feel pride and joy. If there is any lesson in life that keeps presenting itself to us over and over again- it is that the world is constantly balancing itself out.
Everywhere we look there is yin and yang. I am comforted by thoughts such as these, as I hope for you to be. After all, how would we know what a good day is without having a bad day to compare it to?
Hypocrisy is not so bad. It is merely a catalyst for our sincerity. At least, that is how I am justifying my imperfection at the moment.
Family, Uncategorized
Face it, you are not the person that you used to be.
Ever since you became a parent, you have a hard time recognizing yourself. Perhaps there is a bit of sadness because you’ve lost your own childishness, but there is no denying that you’ve developed a maturity that has absorbed itself into every fiber of your being.
You’d been in love before, but when you children came along, this love encompassed you in a way that you never could have predicted. This metamorphosis might have even been painful for you, but only because the intensity of this love was so vast and unanticipated, perhaps even astonishing.
Becoming a parent has driven you in ways you never thought possible. Parenthood has made you more devoted, more committed and more determined to succeed in providing for your family.
For some of you going back to work was never an option. For others, working for someone else to get that steady paycheck seemed like the only option. It doesn’t matter what kind of parent you became.
We understand your devotion to your children and the intense fervor you feel to provide for them.
Our Milk Money is an Organization that was built for parents like you.
But we are much more than just another business directory. We are an organization that provides a support network for parents who have chosen to stay home with their children, and we do what we can to encourage each of our members to make their purchases from each other- keep the money we are already spending “in house” because it’s more valuable to families than it is to large corporations.
We believe that we have a chance to make a difference, but we must all work together.
Our concept will succeed if everyone does their part. No other group has taken on a task so great, and the reason WE WILL SUCCEED is because we all have one thing in common: Our devotion to our children. We must not fail them.
You don’t have to be a member, or even a parent to participate in this concept. If there are children in your life and you want to make a difference, we welcome you to take part in Our Milk Money. Link your site to us.
We are not just another business trying to move up the ranks. We are an organization dedicated to parents who need support their children. If we all commit to this concept, we all have a better chance of rising up TOGETHER.
Imagine the possibilities.
We’ve started a campaign that will educate consumers on the value of purchasing from a mom or a dad. We believe that in time we will have created a mini-economy, and a better means of survival- especially during this recession where every dollar counts. We want parents to feel that they can make their own choices in how to raise their children, provide for them, and how much time they spend with them. Not be a slave to a job that promises a paycheck, or a boss that represents keeping that job.
Join the Our Milk Money Organization, and you will know immediately that you are contributing to a good cause, because it’s your own.
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