daddysden, Dads, Family
I buried the Snickers on a mountain overlooking a pristine lake. The other hikers in my group ate theirs days prior…like animals, but not me. A candy bar was given to us halfway through our 150 mile hike in the Cascade Mountains back in 2003. Food being scarce, a saved treat such as a Snickers had more worth on a mountain than Lindsay Lohan driving a Marlboro truck into cell block eight. And I buried it.
Why? Sacrifice. Now I’m not so pious that I came out of those mountains with tablets, but I did feel a sacrifice of that magnitude would help scrub my soul (if it got muddy during my early 20s). History is now repeating itself.
Fast forward to present day. I’m poor. Poor is a bad descriptive word because in the grand scheme I’m a zillion times more fortunate than most of the world’s population. Let’s just say I’m justifiably frugal. I’m also socially extinct. Few visitors to the house, no outside associates, and maybe one RedBox rental a month keep me pretty contained. What’s the reason? *Snickers* Not the candy bar, I mean that I just snickered as I was getting ready to write this: Because I’m a stay-at-home parent. Yet again, I’m sacrificing.
My wife and I have chosen to sacrifice a ton to make this happen. It’s not very apparent just how much we’ve given up until we talk to other people. As I listen to them speak I hear my thoughts saying, “What do you mean you went out twice this week…I get to eat out once every 60 days!” But it’s worth it. We believe in what we’re doing so strongly that we’re willing to sacrifice a lot to do it.
Antenna television – yes. Willing to be the crazy coupon person in the check-out line- yes. Toilet paper square limit three – yes (modifications to this rule arise from time to time).
Again, it’s worth it. I truly believe my kids and family benefit as a whole immensely from having an at-home parent. I also feel the sacrifices in my life, such as the Snickers and self-imposed fiscal-chop, have made me stronger. When viewed in a certain light those things we give up don’t really seem to big. In fact, the intrinsic gain is so great it’s as if nothing has been given up at all.
Now if only I could find that Snickers coupon.
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
daddysden, Family, Uncategorized
During the course of this blog I’ve established I’m a stay-at-home parent. Although at-home parenting isn’t a new concept it is difficult for some people to imagine a man doing. I’m not complaining – I have a hard time erasing the conventional from my own brain (Johnny Carson is on at bed time, right?).
While trying to come up with a topic for this blog it hit me… I’m not that different. At all. From a woman, that is.
People want to get my perspective on being an at-home dad. They genuinely want to believe I make blow torch grilled cheese and mop the floor with my daughter’s pj’s while she’s inside.
The reality is far from glamorous. I, like any stay-at-home parent, wake blearily to a schedule full of diapers, cooking, cleaning, planning, playing, instructing, yelling (from me) and crying (me again). I don’t see how it’d be possible for someone to do it any differently. Who would have time to build an erector set sweeping machine when boogers are stuck in their kids’ hair (and the dog’s, although I don’t know how exactly). It takes every second of the day to accomplish stuff… in a standard, non-sensational way.
What I’m saying is that when asked for my perspective I can’t imagine it being too far off from what my female colleagues would say. If there are things to cook… I cook. Things to clean… I clean. I can say I’m rather quirky, so I do put a little flavor on my day to make it interesting. Next time you have your children for the day try communicating mostly with movie quotes. Here are a few to get you started:
Forrest Gump “Lieutenant Dan. Ice cream!” Used when giving child ice cream. Or asparagus – it just sounds better to call it ice cream. Kids love being fooled like that.
Taxi Driver “You talkin’ to me?” Use this phrase when child demands something of you without saying please. Or just recite random lines from “Taxi Driver” to telemarketers. It does wonders for your morale.
Fight Club Tyler Durden: “Did you know if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?” There is no need to quote this other than to watch your two-year-old’s face try to figure out what the hell you just said.
Pulp Fiction Marsellus: “In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.”
Butch: “In the fifth, my ass goes down.” When appropriately modified to reflect time, this quote can work wonders for naps.
But I digress. Hey look, a job’s a job and you do what ya gotta do to make it all come together, whether male or female. Unfortunately, the only alluring side to what I do comes from my quirkiness, not my manliness.
Now it’s time to welcome my wife home from work with another movie quote I’m sure she’ll love. “Frankly my dear…”
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
daddysden, Dads, Family
No there’s not. Monsters don’t exist. What does exist are newborn babies. The five-week old variety in my home, to be precise. The similarities between her and a monster are staggering.
For one, she’s scary. My two-year old is freaked out by the primal screams echoing through the house at any given time. I’m scared of what she’s capable of, seeing how she already inflicted bloody pain on my wife during birth. It took a team of nurses to clean up the mess. Just horrible.
Her eating habits mirror that of a monster. My wife, bless her soul, is breastfeeding. Although I’ve never actually seen a real monster eat, I’m pretty sure it would be similar (that is, if while ingesting food parasite-style, a monster tends to fart a lot).
She was born with a lot of hair. Monsters have hair.
My baby/monster eats other things, too. She transgresses the boundaries of physical space and can actually devour my time. It literally took me 3 hours one day just to pee. This is a basic function I previously enjoyed with much frivolity. NO MORE! The monster has taken my time to pee. Just horrible. Monsters are gross. Babies are grosser. By analyzing these two statements one can conclude, with philosophically sound logic, that I have a super monster. Liquids, solids and gases of all color have made their way out of her. It’s not enough to simply change a dirty diaper, but she will literally spray venom at you like that little dinosaur from Jurassic Park. Now don’t tell anyone I told you this, but last week *I can’t believe I’m going to share this* she almost pooped in my mouth a little. I won’t offer all the details, but let’s just say I was inspecting a diaper rash with slack-jawed curiosity when the worst nearly happened. If that doesn’t convince you she’s a monster, I don’t know what will. Just horrible.
She can’t talk. Some monsters have speech problems as well.
Have you ever seen the X-Men Wolverine movie where Hugh Jackman’s love interest can persuade people to do things just by touching them? My baby/monster has that power. Now she’s here and our family is complete my wife and I have been talking about surgical options for birth control. Surgical. Options. Prior to this the closest a knife would’ve come to my “area” was, well… never. Ever. Never ever. To summarize, my baby is an X-Men mutant who has influenced us to harm ourselves.
Weak neck. The blob had no neck.
The saving grace here is the Gremlins. Gizmo was a monster. My baby doesn’t like bright light. She isn’t fond of getting wet. But she is exceptionally cute and sweet, much like that loveable mogwai. She doesn’t get carried around in a backpack the way Gizmo did, but another contraption – the Bjorn – is arguably identical. Even though she terrorizes us we love her anyway. Oh, and one last thing. Never feed her after… wait, we ALWAYS feed her after midnight. Ahh, so that’s where the ugly monster comes from!
In conclusion, if you have a cute monster at your house you need only follow one rule: don’t feed them after midnight. That, and don’t look too closely at diaper rash with your mouth open. Just horrible.
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
Family, Uncategorized
If you are a work-at-home mom like me, then your days are jam packed with a full itinerary, and you have to schedule time to pee. Each day is an exercise in extreme flexibility and if you get anything done as expected it is counted as bonus.
As immersed as I am, I know that this very well may be the most exciting time of my life, and I don’t want to miss it. I’ve made it a point to schedule in little bits of time for myself that are JUST MINE. It’s important that we take time to enjoy it all, even in the midst of carpooling with blue tooth conference calls, blogging during nap-time and podcasting while folding laundry. It’s not easy- but it is crucial. To keep a healthy pace and stay in tip-top shape, we must keep organized and commit to giving ourselves “happy time”.
With an overcrowded schedule, you may need to multi-task your happy time just like everything else. Here is a quick list of ways to incorporate some rose smelling among your daily chores:
- Make a schedule. As organized as I try to be, I never feel organized enough. I can’t believe there is one mom in the world who feels her life is completely put in order every day, and if there is, I’d like to meet her and tell her I am sure that she is lying. However, you must never underestimate the power of making lists. If you can find 5 minutes at the beginning of each day, jot down the things you hope to accomplish, and make sure you add some time for yourself to decompress. I have found that just making the list is a moment that I can claim as mine. It helps me to feel more in control of my day and ready to take on whatever disasters may be awaiting my arrival. Plus, is there anything more satisfying than being able to cross off a completed task?
- Listen to Music. I recently made a CD called “Hey, I LOVE this song”. Which is a compilation of songs exactly like the title of the CD. These are songs that when are heard, I usually gasp and say, “Oh my god I love this one…” You know what I am talking about. It probably wouldn’t take you long to create your own list given 20 minutes. I play these songs at the gym, when I doing house chores, and in the car. My kids have learned to love these songs as well because when these special songs fill the air, they see their mommy at her happiest. Never feel too silly to dance with your kids or shake some booty while stirring the vegis. Happy music = a happy house. (for a list of my personal “LOVE this song” or “guilty pleasure” songs, visit here– and I make no apologies).
- Get some exercise. Believe me, I know that finding time to work out is as difficult as finding time to sleep on most weeks. In fact, when I was working in the corporate world, finding time to work out was literally impossible. I don’t mind saying I took real offense at people who said I needed to make it a priority- especially because I barely had time to eat, sleep, or spend time with my new baby boy. But if you are a stay-at-home parent, you have more control of your schedule than ever before- as packed as it may be. In the corporate world, I was PAID to sit on my tush all day- not exercise. But now that I am my own boss, I have realized that the gym is a wonderful place to get some “me time,” not to mention a long shower…and nothing beats the productivity that comes from that time. I get my best ideas on the treadmill!
- Laugh. Laugh with your kids, laugh with your spouse, laugh with other grownups you see at the grocery store, at your kids school and sports practices, and laugh with yourself. Life is full of hilarity, and if you are not laughing on a daily basis, it means you are moving too fast to notice it. Your kids will never be this age again. Instead of being one of those parents who are constantly murmuring, “I hate this age, I wish they’d grow out of this annoying phase soon, “ be the parent that relishes each moment, makes mistakes and cracks themselves up. You’ll be surprised at how much your kids will admire you and grow to be adults that are celebrating their lives at the envy of others.
- Create a grateful list. This always, always, always improves my spirits 200%. I highly recommend that you do this at least once a month. The list should be of things that you know you are privileged to have in your life. It may start out with obvious entries such as, “I am grateful that I have a roof over my head. I am grateful for the food in my fridge.” but eventually you’ll feel more genuine about your gratitude. You should make certain to also include things that you WANT to be grateful for as if they are already in place. “I am grateful that my 4 year old is well behaved and doesn’t pick on his younger brother. I am grateful that the baby is finally sleeping through the night.” Don’t underestimate the power of wishful thinking. It’s funny, this is the one task that people seems to balk at when I make the suggestion, but once they do it, they are always amazed at how worth their time it was.
Ally Loprete is a stay-at-home mother of 2 boys, a former television, theatre and film actress, singer, performer, storyteller, and teacher. An advocate of parents, Ally founded OurMilkMoney.com, an online business directory of self-employed parents and an organization dedicated to helping parents find financial opportunities and support. She is also the host of This Little Parent Stayed Home weekly radio show available on Toginet.com, and the playwright & performer for her one-woman show about the journey of dealing with unexpected drama in life, Chasing Ally.
![Inclusion Delusion]()
daddysden, Dads, Family
By Nathan Bright
The first egg goes in beautifully. No trace of shell in the mixture at all. With my speed being matched only by artistry, I blister through the kitchen confident of a timely meal that will lead into clean-up, followed by coats, then a punctual appearance to a friend’s house.
“I help,” says my two year old.
Her words resonate like a movie moment demonstrating fear and confusion. “Of course you will sweetie,” I say. the Dad in me knows to include her in anything I can. It builds skill, confidence, and a bond between parent and child. However, the Me in me obsesses on the clock. She’ll slow me down. Dinner will be late. We’ll rush out the door and be tardy, again, to our function. Again.
I let her help. Eggs explode, raw meat almost in mouth, hair stuck to counter, falls off stool, cries, help stir, help wipe floor, help stir more, wipe floor more and dear-heaven-has-the-oven-been-preheating-for-an-hour-how-much-is-the-gas-bill-going-to-be?
This scenario plays out quite often. Patience in letting them help is par for the course. By letting them help we know it’ll be more work for us, but they need the experience anyway. But how does this translate into other areas?
I’m a stay-at-home-dad (by choice). Our numbers are growing. Just like any non-traditional movement there’s a stigma over which we’d like to hop. The “Mr. Mom” syndrome, if you will, such as the bumbling man guy who fashions duct tape into cereal bowls. As amazing as duct tape cereal bowls would be (and completely doable!) us stay-at-home-dads don’t want to be pigeon-holed into being thought of as bumbling.
I know I’m great at cooking, cleaning, kid activities, multitasking, etc., but what do others think of me? My fear is I’m viewed as the two-year old and my wife is the adult. It’s thought that she lets me help only to secretly clean up my mess afterward. These situations demonstrate what would come out of a child’s mouth and what folks would presume comes out of the stay-at-home-dad’s mouth:
Situation: Sweeping the Floor
Adult Figure and/or Wife Asks: “want to help?”
Two Year Old says: “let me walk through this pile of dirt first.”
Bumbling Dad says: “I’ll get the leaf blower.”
Situation: Laundry
Adult Figure and/or Wife Asks: “want to help?”
Two Year Old says: “I can fit 4 bras on my head.”
Bumbling Dad says: “I can fit 6 bras on my head.”
Situation: Grocery Shopping
Adult Figure and/or Wife asks: “want to help?”
Two Year Old says: “take me to the toys or I’ll cry.”
Bumbling Dad says: “take me to the beer or I’ll cry. Did you know I can fit 6 bras on my head?”
Point being – I’m not bumbling. I’m not merely included…I’m autonomous, much the way my two-year-old soon will be. I run an excellent home for the benefit of my family. My wife trust me to be productive and make good decisions. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to look into that duct tape thing. And maybe fold bras.
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
![Inclusion Delusion]()
Chris Loprete, Community, daddysden, Dads, Family
Happy New Year! I haven’t spoken to you since the calendar reset so I can still say that. Don’t you hate when people are still saying Happy New Year in March though? It’s like come on, dude. We’re 1/3 in already. Anyway I hope your year has gotten off to a successful start. You gotta love January. Not so much for the weather but more for the fact that everybody heads into the year with the best intentions. On 1/1 everyone gets a chance for a new beginning and a fresh start. Well let me tell you about a new beginning that we can all get excited about.
Our Milk Money is heading into its 3rd year and I’ve never been more excited about the future of this site. I have watched OMM grow from a germ of an idea in November of ’07 to the full launch in March of ’08 and the movement it’s helped to create since then. And from being on the inside, I can honestly say that there are things in the works that will make OMM members thrilled and make non OMM members join up. Amongst these things are an updated site, a staff of volunteers, and more publicity for your business. Don’t believe me? the site is getting its own Internet radio show for God’s sake. Seriously. Stay tuned for details but it’s coming in February and you’ll probably all be on it at some point as a guest plugging your business. By the way, just cause I was there doesn’t mean I did any work. I didn’t. For those that pay attention you may have noticed that my last name is the same as the owner and founder of this site. Or rather her last name is the same as mine. That’s no coincidence. I am lucky enough to have been married to Ally for the last 7 1/2 years. She on the other hand is probably ready to chew her leg off and get out of this trap, but she grits her teeth and endures the pain. I do not exaggerate one iota when I say I have never seen anyone put as much passion and hard work into a project as I’ve seen Ally put into OMM. Blood, sweat, and tear 24/7 for the last three years. It has not always been easy. In fact let me amend that. It has NEVER been easy. This thing drove her crazy at times. Un…yeeeaaaah. I mean that literally by the way. Ask here where she spent the first weekend of June ’08. She has never strayed from her original vision or purpose and is constantly looking for ways to improve and grow this site as well as your business. She is also a fantastic mother to 2 extremely demanding little boys and a wonderful wife to a grumpy third child. So believe me when I say that you are in good hands and can trust that Ally is determined to grow not only your business, but the stay at home business network until it is its own little community with a working, breathing economy. She talks about it much better than I do by the way. I just write stupid stories about Jedi shows. Anyway this year resolve to do two things. First turn to your spouse and thank them for all the hard work they do whether it’s head to an office for a job or stay at home and raise a family while growing a home business. The 2nd thing? Get excited about OMM 2010. Jump on board and enjoy the ride!
Nathan Bright is a 30-something stay-at-home dad who resides near St. Louis, MO. He is a husband to an amazing woman and father to a doubly amazing 2 year old little girl. His blessed home is scheduled to be even more blessed in March, as Nathan and his wife will welcome a second daughter to their family. When Nathan is not blogging for OurMilkMoney.com’s The Daddy’s Den, he writes and illustrates his own children’s books. Available for purchase immediately is Maddi Patti and her Stay-at-Home-Daddy.
Recent Comments