Julianne Wish, Member Contributions
How do you know when your blog is successful? What do you want your blog to accomplish? What is your vision for your blog? These are all important questions to consider – preferably before you launch your blog. Let’s take a look at each question individually.
How Do You Know When Your Blog is Successful?
The best way to know what your blog is accomplishing in terms of numbers is to use analytics. A simple program like Google Analytics is free and it’s easy to install the code snippet on your blog. You then receive a daily or weekly report on how many visitors your blog has. Analytics are also rich with other important data points like how readers found your blog and how long they stayed on your site.
But what if numbers aren’t how you define success? You might also look at your subscriber base. Is it growing? If your subscribers continue to grow, that is a sign that your blog is successful. Finally, if you’re blogging with the goal of earning money, are you earning what you want? Your blog is successful if you’re regularly reaching your income goals.
What Do You Want Your Blog to Accomplish?
Many people blog to boost their business. You might also blog for profits. You might blog for awareness and fame. Finally, you might blog simply to connect with others or to have a positive impact on someone’s life. If you already have a blog, what did you envision for that blog when you started it? Has it met your expectations? Why or why not?
If you’ve yet to start a blog, think about what you want your blog to accomplish. What is the purpose for your blog? What are your goals?
What is Your Vision for your Blog?
Once you have your blog up and running and you’re meeting your goals, consider where you want your blog to grow. What will your blog look like in five years? What will it look like? Will you offer more value? Will you sell products or services? Will you have more guest bloggers? Consider your vision for your blog. How will you hold true to that vision and continue to grow and offer value?
People blog for a variety of reasons. There is no right or wrong reason to blog. However, it is important to have a goal and a vision. It’s important to know what blogging success means to you and to create goals and measurements so you know when you’ve succeeded. The more consistent your goals and your actions are, the more success you’ll achieve.
Julianne Alvarez-Wish is a military wife, mother, business owner, professional writer, blogger and legislative advocate. She is the Director of Communications for Our Milk Money, the Colorado State Leader for the National Association for Moms in Business and the owner of Buy By Mom and Buy By Mom Blog. She is the Colorado Springs Stay-at-Home Mom Examiner for Examiner.com. She also blogs at A Wishful Thought. Her passion, purpose and goal is to help parents work from home so they can be home with their children.
Julianne Wish, Member Contributions
One of the reasons to choose a blog over a traditional website is the ability to interact with visitors via comments. However, you don’t have to activate comments. In fact, sometimes it’s a good idea to turn your commenting feature off.
What are the Benefits of Commenting?
Many people judge the success of their blog by the number of comments they receive. And it’s true that an active blog does tend to draw more numbers. The more visitors and subscribers you have the more potential there is for profit. And an active blog is a fun blog.
However, commenting doesn’t always mean success you can have a very successful blog that doesn’t receive many comments at all.
What Are the Options?
You can turn off comments – Many blog owners decide to turn off the comments completely. The goal for them isn’t to generate interaction but rather to establish credibility or to simply provide information.
You can turn them off, for now – Some other blog owners decide to turn off comments until the blog has a certain number of subscribers. Then they make commenting a possibility. This strategy can prevent the image of the lonely blogger and instead let you focus on simply providing quality content.
You can turn on the comments – Most bloggers enable comments. If you choose this option then consider:
* Installing a spam filter like Askimet
* Requiring people to register before they can comment
* Giving them the ability to link to their blog or website during the registration process
* Allowing an avatar or a photo
* How much time you have to reply to comments. It’s important if you allow commenting on your website to make it an interactive process. You want to respond to their comment or at least thank them for it.
* Creating content that motivates a discussion. Ask readers for their opinion. Say something controversial and start a discussion. Ask for experience or advice.
* Give CommentLuv. Consider using a plug-in that tracks and displays comments from others. It can really get the comment section of your blog active. In fact, this little plug-in can motivate more comments.
* Policies – Do you have a language or content policy? For example, do your commenters have to keep their comments PG for approval? If so, you will want to display your comment policy on your blog.
How does commenting play into your goals, purpose and vision? Make your decisions based on how you can provide the best blog possible. If comments aren’t a part of your user experience then turn them off. No one says you have to enable comments on your blog. It’s your decision.
Julianne Alvarez-Wish is a military wife, mother, business owner, professional writer, blogger and legislative advocate. She is the Director of Communications for Our Milk Money, the Colorado State Leader for the National Association for Moms in Business and the owner of Buy By Mom and Buy By Mom Blog. She is the Colorado Springs Stay-at-Home Mom Examiner for Examiner.com. She also blogs at A Wishful Thought. Her passion, purpose and goal is to help parents work from home so they can be home with their children.
Resource Articles, Uncategorized
In this economy, everyone needs to have a job.
And yet, unemployment is on the rise due to COVID and other unexpected circumstances. When crisis hits, women ALWAYS bear the brunt of it.
Given a choice between losing her income or his…many families chose to give up mom’s salary because chances are she is only earning 80 cents to his dollar. Sigh.
Taking care of your kids and your household is worth a million bucks, and if it were up to us, we’d make sure you get paid for all the work you do. Finding gratitude for the little things and loving up your kiddos can definitely help you cope, but having a good attitude can only go so far. You have bills to pay, little people to feed and…well, a life to live.
It takes money to live here.
Coming into this human experience comes at a price… and no matter how unfair it seems, you have to pay to exist. So if finding a job is more difficult than you ever imagined it would be, building a business might be a good option for you.
It takes time to build a business, and nowadays, sticking it out is half the battle. But enough is enough. You are working hard and you deserve to be paid.
Pulling double duty does not entitle anyone to a salary, but creating a smart and strategic business plan will give you a greater chance of prosperity. This blue print will give you the tools to leverage your strategy and bring it to fruition.
Simply pick up a pen and create a map of the journey you would like to go on with your business. The very nature of business is that it is a collective activity. Choose to walk down a well thought out business path and you will find that you will stay much more engaged with your purpose and your mission. Intend yourself to be inspired toward actions that will bring you abundance and you will achieve the freedom that you and your family deserve to have.
Want some more inspiration? Ellen Rohr, a business makeover expert and Our Milk Money extraordinaire has a free ebook download: The Weekend Business Plan which will have you ready to launch your business by Monday.
Chris Loprete, daddysden, Dads
Okay, we can all agree that we love our kids, they’re the best thing that ever happened to us, they light up our lives blah blah blah. But to quote a friend’s response to a particular angry Facebook post of mine about my five year old, “We alway love ’em, but we don’t always have to like ’em” That made me feel so much better. So I’m here to let you all know. It’s okay. Everybody wants to kill their kids at one time or another. Those that say “How can you say that?!” don’t have kids. Those that have kids and say “Not me. My little angels are always good as gold” are either lying, in denial, or are suffering empty nest syndrome because their kids have moved away.
Our parents are loving this by the way. Montezuma could only wish he had this kind of revenge. I remembered telling my father how ungrateful my kid was after all of the gifts, trips to Disneyland, the zoo and so forth. With a sarcastic and unsympathetic tone he said, “Tell you what. I’ll send him the piles of thank you letters I got from you when you were his age. That’ll show him.” Touché and point taken.
I think we have it tougher than our parents did though. Seriously. With so much more media available to our kids like the Internet, video games, Smart phones, etc., there seems to be more of a sense of entitlement. Which brings more of an attitude. And at a much younger age too. I keep saying to my kindergardener, “I’m gonna have to put up with you when you’re a teenager, I shouldn’t have to put up with that mouth now!” To which he stares blankly at me and then asks if he can play with my iPad. So I know they’re too young to get it and on my end I’m probably making HUGE gaffes in discipline and parenting which may be partly responsible for his behavior, but it’s nice to know that parents for generations have gone through the same thing. It’s just taboo to talk about it for fear of being labeled a parent who doesn’t love their child with every fiber of their being. Yes, we do…as soon as they wipe that damn smirk off their face!
Author’s note- I never apologize for my blogs, but this one seems more grumpy than usual. I sound like angry old man Loprete who lives in the run down house next door. So I’ll write something happy next month. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some damn kids playing in my yard!
Chris Loprete, daddysden, Dads
I know that doesn’t seem like a very provocative title or interesting subject of a blog so let me raise the stakes a little. My wife is reading this for the first time too. When my wife and I have some domestic dust up, I’ve always been pretty good at turning it into a humorous story or blog. Even she gets a kick out of it. Well, I’m taking a chance this time and flipping the scenario. I’m confessing something publicly and hoping she laughs it off BEFORE we fight about it. Will the gamble pay off? Well if it doesn’t…on the bright side I may already have next month’s blog.
So I’ve been ridiculously busy at my job this last month. Lots of late nights and weekends. My department is always busy this time of year because of a big annual presentation the president of our company gives to advertisers and media buyers in New York. Once the presentation is over, we can all breathe a sigh of relief on a job well done. Well, the presentation was given on a Tuesday morning and it’s tradition for our team to take the rest of the day off. Now my wife had an important meeting with her literary agent that night. She was going to take the kids to the supervised play at their preschool and I was going to pick them up. No problem. So I thought…”What would be the harm if I just went to a quick matinee? I haven’t seen a movie in so long. I don’t know when I’ll get to one. I’ve worked very hard at work as well as at home with the kids on the weekend (including giving my wife Mother’s Day weekend off)…why not just go to a movie and I’ll be home to take care of the kids tonight?” Now I’m pretty sure my wife would have preferred that I come home even earlier and help her with the kids. So why didn’t I call my wife and let her know that I was heading to the movies? Um…please save all questions until the end.
I drive to a movie theatre about 5 minutes away from our house. That way I can pick the kids up faster than if I went to a theatre near work. In fact I’ll still get them earlier than I would have if I worked the whole day. Am I a great Dad or what? I pay my ticket, grab my 3D glasses and head in. The movie begins and I’m usually vigilant about turning off my phone because I can’t stand when people talk or text during a film, but this time I kept it on vibrate…just in case. Good thing too. Sure enough because the Universe loves to screw with me, at about the half way point of the movie my phone begins to vibrate in my lap. It’s her. I started to perspire as I did something I would never dream of doing before. Pushed the “ignore” button. If it’s important I’m sure she’ll leave a voice mail and I’ll duck out of the theatre in a minute to check it. BZZZ. BZZZ. She’s calling back. Ooookay she’s looking for me. Duck out the theatre NOW. I scamper out of my seat. Luckily the theatre was mostly empty because most people were working or home with their families. I’m starting to hate myself as I write this. I hurry out to the lobby so she won’t hear the obscenely loud sounds of Thor saving the planet. “Hello?” “Hi” Oh God. She’s been crying. “Is everything okay?” “I’m sorry to bother you” she says. “You’re not bothering me at all” I say. (TELL HER!)”What’s up?” (YOU FOOL!) She then goes on to tell me about what a miserable day she’s been having and she’s thinking of calling off the meeting with her agent. I ask her if she wants me to come home. For the record I meant it. I would have left the theatre right then and hurried home.
Of course it would have confused my wife because I would have been home about 40 minutes before I usually get home from work. “No”, she said. “I just need a pep talk.” Now I’m REALLY good at breaking my wife out of her funks so I go into my best spiel. Please believe me when I say that I wasn’t b.s-ing her just to get back into the theatre. I really meant everything I was saying and I was telling her everything she needed to hear. I was even ignoring the curious glances from the people in the lobby. I’m sure they were impressed by this man who must be a motivational speaker. Not so much. Turns out they were looking at a lunatic having a very animated conversation on his cell phone…who had forgotten to take off his 3D glasses. I can imagine how many dinner conversations that night that started with “I saw the strangest thing in the lobby of the movie theatre today…” It worked though. My wife stopped crying, she said she felt better and she thanked me. I hung up walked back into the theatre glad that I had cheered her up, but feeling like pond scum. I watched and enjoyed the rest of the movie but I was obviously distracted. You gotta understand. My wife and I don’t lie to each other. We don’t know how. On the few occasions we have been deceptive it tears away at both of us like Poe’s Tell Tale Heart. In my case the heart beat under the floor boards was as loud as Thor’s hammer.
May I just interject here and say that last month Arnold Schwarzenegger confessed to fathering a child over a decade ago with his maid. I went to the movies. Just putting it in perspective. Okay back to the story. The movie ended, I picked up the kids, fed them, bathed them, and put them to bed. My wife got home from the meeting and told me it went well and she was glad she didn’t call it off. I considered telling her right then, but it seemed a little soon. No. Best to do the most cowardly thing imaginable and wait two weeks to tell her in a blog. So there it is.
This is my warped way of apologizing. I’m sure a therapist would have a field day. They say the truth will set you free. I am about to seriously put that theory to the test. You may not even be reading this. I have to send it to my editor first…who is also my wife.
So if you are reading this, one of two things has happened. Either I’m right and she is laughing this whole thing off…or I’m dead and she has posted this posthumously as a warning to other husbands out there. We shall see…
Julianne Wish, Member Contributions, Member Spotlights
Married more than 20 years with 3 children, Tim & Andrea began baking for friends and family at the holidays and it proved so popular that they decided to offer McLaren’s for purchase as gifts for the Christmas and New Years Holidays. They continued to grow and now MacLaren’s products are available year round.
The delicious Scottish Shortbread has been a tradition in their family for at least five generations; both sides of their family have their roots in Scotland, through the McLaren & Forbes Clans. The family recipe was passed down from Tim’s great-great Gran who lived in Glasgow, Scotland. Each batch is hand-made, baked in clay trays and hand packaged.
In 2020, the couple retired and sold the business… and so the tradition of hand-made Scottish Shortbread, Curds, Jams and more continues! Faithfully using the same recipes and methods, the new ownership continues providing customers with the best products all through the year. This is an interview from 10 years ago, reposted!
1. Tell us about your business and the service that you provide:
McLaren’s is a specialty gourmet food business, focused on hand made foods with a Scottish, British or civilized flair, for afternoon tea, dessert or any special occasion.
We make all of our products by hand, with the finest ingredients available. Our products include:
Original Scottish Shortbread
Ginger Lassies
Lemon Curd, Lime Curd, Orange Curd
Specialty Jams, Jellies, Marmalades
Traditional Scone Mix
Maple Scone Mix
Old World Gingerbread Cake Mix
We sell individual products as well as beautiful gift baskets. We also offer corporate gifting, weddings favors and special event bids.
To specialize gifts we have an ever-changing inventory of new, vintage and antique teacups, teapots, biscuit barrels and more.
Product Descriptions
Original Scottish Shortbread-
Ginger Lassies (a spicy chewy ginger cookie, 2 varieties, hot or mild)
Lemon Curd, Lime Curd, Orange Curd- no fillers or thickeners, only eggs, sugar, butter and fresh squeezed citrus juice
Specialty Jams, Jellies, Marmalades- all of our fruit is purchased from local growers, fresh and in season (with the exception of one jam whose fruit comes from Oregon) We purchase from local growers, not only to assure quality and freshness, but to support our local farmers as well.
We also sell 3 mixes to bake at home.
Traditional Scone Mix- this makes a light fluffy proper scone, and should be eaten warm, the day it is made.
Maple Scone Mix- this mix is sweetened with pure organic Maple Sugar and includes additional Maple sugar for a glaze. This makes a light fluffy proper scone, and should be eaten warm, the day it is made.
Old World Gingerbread Cake Mix- Our Gingerbread mix makes a fantastic dessert or teacake! This is not a gingerbread cookie mix, but a gingerbread cake, best served warm with fresh whipped cream, or better yet topped with your favorite Jam.
2. How did you decide to get started?
I am a teacher in the CA Community College system and Tim is a mortgage broker, so…. 2 years ago, when the market crashed and my class load was severely cut, we needed to do something to make money to support our family. That first Christmas season, we knew that our cookies were popular with friends and family, so we put out a little email and BANG! We sold over 1200 lbs of shortbread with very little marketing. We decided to take his family shortbread recipe public and expand into a legitimate business. So we moved from our home kitchen into a commercial kitchen and off we went, into the world of farmers markets, serv safe, sampling permits, and Scottish Festivals.
3. What kind of background of expertise do you have in your field?
We had no commercial baking/cooking experience. We did know that we and our friends preferred fresh foods with no preservatives and no additives.
4. What trends do you see in your current industry?
Customers want delicious foods, made with real, fresh ingredients and are willing to pay more for great quality.
5. What things do you find to be most demanding about your job?
We go into the kitchen at night, after we finish our other jobs. We travel to Farmers markets, Scottish Festivals and Craft shows all year, it’s tiring.
6. What do you find to be the most rewarding about your job and your day-to-day routine?
One of the most rewarding things for us is that we are able to pick up our kids from school, and be home with them after school. Also, let’s not forget the look on customer’s faces when they try our products! They love them. One of the greatest rewards ahs been being able to keep our home.
7. What advice would you give to someone else who is interested in starting a business like yours?
First, get ready to work very hard, long hours. Find a product that you believe in and that you know other people like and will buy. Try to find a mentor in the same or a related business, do not ask someone who sells the same product that you want to sell. Find out the laws and regulations in your sate and county, before you invest a dime! (CA- Take your Serv Safe class first, then get your DBA while you look for a commercial kitchen.)
8. What are you most proud of as a parent-preneur?
I am very grateful that I have been able to be home for my kids and that my kids have helped out, learned to bake and cook right along side us. I am grateful that as a family, we worked together to build this upstart business and my children have learned the value of hard work.
9. How have you been able to manage your time between work and your family?
By soldiering on. It has been very hard to balance everything. Some days it is more work and some days it is more family. We do the best we can. The idea of balance is a myth, perpetrated by pundits and magazine writers who have no children. Life is more like a crazy pendulum, but it eventually will swing back the other way.
10. What has been the most effective way for you to promote yourself?
We have built our business on our reputation for the highest quality products and the customer satisfaction we have built at Farmers Markets and Scottish Festivals. We also use Constant Contact, have a web site, Facebook, Twitter and a blog.
Finally: What does your “Milk Money” provide for you and your family?
It saved our home and continues to provide a growing income for our family.
Julianne Wish, Member Spotlights
Founder of The Next Big Zing. Dhana’s company finds and promotes inventors of new products! It’s a win for consumers…they get to see and purchase the latest new products! It’s a win for the inventors as they get their product promoted! Read on to learn about Dhana, what she’s learned and her vision for her company.
1. Tell us about your business and the service that you provide:
The Next Big Zing is an innovative way to shop online. Through video reviews, consumers will have the opportunity to watch, engage in a product or two they love, and then purchase. Inventors, on the other hand, have an amazing opportunity to get their products seen and heard through a third party endorsed video review…plus given a grass roots marketing program.
2. How did you decide to get started?
I have always had great ideas, developed products and always stopped short…I came up with the idea to promote other inventors and said video is the way of the future!
3. What kind of background of expertise do you have in your field?
My background is advertising and marketing…but from the old school of traditional media.
4. What trends do you see in your current industry?
Wow. That could take all day! Video for sure is the way to go to promote your business. No one wants to see a stagnant web page. I also see the changing face of retail. Traditional retailing is tougher now to get into…you must be creative!
5. What things do you find to be most demanding about your job?
That I don’t have enough time in my day to get everything finished and that I don’t have a staff to help.
6. What do you find to be the most rewarding about your job and your day to day routine?
I love finding those unique products and helping them get noticed!
7. What advice would you give to someone else who is interested in starting a business like yours?
It takes a ton of time and money and little to no pay for a long time! Be prepared for working harder than you ever had for someone else, because it truly is one of your babies!
8. What are you most proud of as a parent-preneur?
Proud that my kids want to be involved. In fact, my 14 year old son said today, “Mom, you need to tell me what meetings you are going to since I am the Vice-President.”
9. How have you been able to manage your time between work and your family?
It’s tough. I want them to be proud so I do work a lot, and since I run my business out of my home, I tend to work while they are around.
10. What has been the most effective way for you to promote yourself?
Through social media, networking and strategic partners.
Finally: What does your “Milk Money” provide for you and your family?
Not much yet…but I will say that I know in the future it will provide so much!
Uncategorized
If you are overwhelmed or even intimidated by all of the social media choices, the lingo and the technologies out there, you may be in need of a Social Media Diet. If what started off as cheap way to get your message seen and heard has turned into a tiresome and over-stimulating experience, the best thing to do is set up your own ground rules. Don’t get run over by the chaos.
Get in. Post your message. Get Out.
Of course, you do need to have some interaction with your connections, but make sure that you are allotting specific time for the social end of it or it could suck the time right out of you. If you are tired of being asked to “join everything” or being told “try it, see what happens” you may be in need of a strategy that will organize all of these clubs as well as measure results for you and your small business. Like the outdated clothes in your closet, if you have not been back to visit in 6 months to a year, the club goes in the garbage. If you find networking time consuming, try setting aside one day of the week to focus on it, or set a goal to spend 20 minutes an evening increasing your numbers.
There is no question that having an internet presence gives you credibility, but without some dedicated organization, social media can overpower. Stay focused on the diet and you should be fine.
Self -employed Parent Enthusiast Ally Loprete is the Founder of OurMilkMoney.com, a nationwide online business directory of self-employed parents, and the host of This Little Parent Stayed Home, a live weekly radio show, on The Toginet.com Radio Group which can be downloaded on iTunes. Ally is on a mission to bring home 1 million parents through coaching other’s to deal with the sometimes overwhelming prospect of leaving a full time job to start a new business, while running a full time household and raising kids. She is resolute about creating a haven in which parents across the nation will continue to thrive and obtain the support they need in their personal journeys. Self-employed parents, list your business for free at www.ourmilkmoney.com. Private coaching is available at www.thislittleparent.info.
Julianne Wish, Member Contributions, Member Spotlights
Formerly a staff member at Our Milk Money in it’s first few years, Wendy did our books for years and we can’t say enough about her!
For tax preparation in Santa Clarita CA, you can count on Wendy Conte at Bookkeeping Scv, Inc. Wendy Conte assists taxpayers and small businesses with taxes in Santa Clarita CA and the surrounding communities. Whether you are an individual or a local business in or around Santa Clarita CA, Wendy Conte has years of valuable experience as an IRS registered tax preparer.
1. Tell us about your business and the service that you provide:
I am a Certified Bookkeeper and Quickbooks ProAdvisor. I offer a full range of bookkeeping services in the Santa Clarita, San Fernando and Antelope Valleys.
2. How did you decide to get started?
After working for someone else for over 15 years, I decided to take control of my employment and use the skills I have to work with a wider range of clients rather than just the employer I had.
3. What kind of background of expertise do you have in your field?
I have an Associate’s degree in Accounting, I am a Certified Bookkeeper and I am Quickbooks ProAdvisor. I am always looking for more learning opportunities in my field.
4. What trends do you see in your current industry?
Bookkeeping is a key part of every business. Businesses will always need bookkeepers. Businesses are always looking for ways to cut costs. An outsourced bookkeeper is a way to accomplish that.
5. What things do you find to be most demanding about your job?
Deadlines are a demanding part of my job sometimes. My clients like to see the status of their financial picture on a regular basis and that means making sure that all of their records are always up to date. There is also the issue of invoicing client customers on time. Finally, reporting information to tax entities for payroll and sales tax.
6. What do you find to be the most rewarding about your job and your day to day routine?
The most rewarding thing about my job is being able to help people. I really enjoy working with very small businesses, many of which cannot afford to have an on staff bookkeeper. I love being able to take the stress of that task off of their hands.
7. What advice would you give to someone else who is interested in starting a business like yours?
I would recommend getting formal education in the field both in the basics of accounting and the software options that are available for the job. The Quickbooks ProAdvisor program is very helpful in learning the overall use of the program and how to set it up properly. Then I would say network and get your name out there.
8. What are you most proud of as a parent-preneur?
I am most proud of being able to demonstrate to my son the hard work ethic that I was raised with.
9. How have you been able to manage your time between work and your family?
Balancing time is always a challenge. I try to work around the schedule of my family as much as possible during the week and to take weekends off unless there is something that really needs my attention or my family has plans that do not include me.
10. What has been the most effective way for you to promote yourself?
Word of Mouth is extremely powerful. Actions certainly speak louder than words. I provide the best service that I can consistently and with attention to the details. Giving at least 100% to your clients is something they talk about.
Finally: What does your “Milk Money” provide for you and your family?
My Milk Money provides a way for us to pay the bills and have a bit left over to have fun.
Family, Uncategorized
We were out to dinner so we didn’t get the news at the same time as the rest of the world. It took a phone call from a friend for us to become informed. Suddenly my husband and I were hugging one another happily and cheering.
Our little boys, 5 and 2 came out of their room in their pajamas wanting to know what the jubilation was all about.
Did we just win a million dollars?
Did Daddy’s favorite team win the Superbowl?
Maybe we were going to Disneyland?
It had to be one of those things, or something like it by the way mommy and daddy were whooping it up.
It was none of those things. We’d just heard the news that Osama Bin Laden, the most evil and villainous man of our generation had been brought to death.
DEATH.
It suddenly became apparent that there wasn’t an easy way to explain to innocent children that the death of anyone is a good thing and reason to jump for joy. I began by telling them that a very bad man had been killed, but then found myself frozen at the word “kill”.
The innocent eyes of my 5 year old looked at me as if he didn’t recognize me at all. I worried that he saw me as a fraud, or worse, a killer myself. Was this the same mommy who doesn’t like him playing with guns or violent video games? The same mommy who teaches the value of all living creatures?
I was numbed by my own altercation. I could assure my little boys that there were no monsters hiding in their room, but now I was being forced to tell the truth about the monsters that walked among us, and ones we couldn’t simply “walk away” from when threatened with name calling or even sticks and stones.
It made me question whether any form of celebration was really appropriate when someone’s life has just been taken. Sure, my initial reaction to the news was that of victory. Bin Laden’s death meant that I might begin to feel safer than I’d felt in 10 years, and that my children might also be safer in a post 9/11 world. It meant hundreds of Americans who’d lost their lives on that wretched day could rest in peace. It meant that those who’d lost loved ones might finally begin to have some closure. It meant that our nation’s division might be bridged and maybe we’d all stop pointing fingers and blaming one another for the decade’s setbacks. I hated this man as much as anyone…but I couldn’t dance on his grave, nor did I want my child to think I was anything other than who I’d always been- a person who valued life.
My husband and I had done our very best to teach our sons tolerance of those that are “bad” and those that have not been given the gift of love and acceptance.
We’ve taught our boys to be compassionate about bullies and not provoke them with hatred or rivalry. We taught them how to keep the peace by simply walking away from those who wish to cause pain. How could I justify this hypocrisy when in his point of view, we were reveling in someone else’s demise?
But even worse, how could I even begin to explain why this was a rare exception without introducing him to the horrid and evil acts of this man?
I realized it wasn’t my son who was in need of a lesson. It was me. My 5 year old in this instance was my teacher and he helped me recognize that evil or no evil, the death of any person is not something to celebrate. Loss of life, no matter who’s it is, is precious and sacred. But I also realized that my son deserved more credit than I was giving him. His eyes told me that he wanted to understand, and that he couldn’t be shielded from the pain that lives in this world forever. I could, however, help him to feel safe and loved by me and his father.
After I took my son in my arms he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I feel sad for the bad man. He probably didn’t have a mommy like you to teach him how to be nice to others.”
He probably didn’t.
Julianne Alvarez-Wish is a military wife, mother, business owner, professional writer, blogger and legislative advocate. She is the Director of Communications for Our Milk Money, the Colorado State Leader for the National Association for Moms in Business and the owner of Buy By Mom and Buy By Mom Blog. She is the Colorado Springs Stay-at-Home Mom Examiner for Examiner.com. She also blogs at A Wishful Thought. Her passion, purpose and goal is to help parents work from home so they can be home with their children.
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